Monday, October 25, 2010

The Never-Ending Scene (Cliffhanger) Blogfest

Thank you, Brenda of Brenda Drake Writes... for hosting the Never-ending Scene Blogfest (or cliffhanger - whatever). Should be fun to read what everyone comes up with!

The Challenge: Write a new scene or post a scene from your current project that is no more than 500 words, which has a rocking cliffhanger (pun intended). It can be any genre. Just leave us hanging, craving more, and cursing your name for making us want to turn a page that isn't there.




Setting the scene: Kera was being taken through the forest against her will. She has escaped from that person and since bumped into someone who assures her he can show her how to get back home - Seth.



  She stumbled as her foot caught on a large root sticking out of the ground. Seth’s hands shot out to catch her before she could fall.

  “Thanks,” she said. “I’m clumsy at the best of times, and right now…” She didn’t finish, distracted by the way his hand trailed down her arm as he let go of it. She shivered slightly. “Uh… well, exhaustion isn’t helping,” she finished, hoping he couldn’t hear the uneven gallop of her heart.

  “How do you know your way through this place anyway?” she went on. “Everything out here looks the same to me.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. “I’ve roamed this forest for years; I know exactly where everything is, even in the dark.”

  As he spoke she noticed the night becoming blacker around them. She looked up to see the stars disappearing one by one, erased by a blanket of cloud being pulled across the sky. She drew her jacket a little closer.

  “Hey, what’s this?” she asked in surprise. They had suddenly come upon a clearing in the trees filled with what looked like ruins.

  “Oh, this is what’s left of Mythonene’s castle.”

  “Really?” She looked back at Seth to see if he was joking. “But he lived here centuries ago. I didn’t know anything was left of it.”

  “Well, there isn’t much left really.”

  Seth was right. It was mostly just an outer wall, crumbling in many places, with a few of the inner walls left standing. Long grass grew in patches where the once-tiled floor had given way to the penetrating fingers of the forest.

  Kera walked slowly through the ruins, trailing her hand along the cold, moss-covered stone.

  “It can’t have been a very big castle,” she noted.

  “I think much of it was invisible. After all, he was a master of Dark Magic.”

  “Invisible?” Now that part she certainly hadn’t heard.

  She stopped and leaned against a wall. There was something different about this place. It was alluring in its mystery, and yet something tugged at her heart, urging her to run and never look back. She could feel a lurking presence, as if the Dark Magic once used here had left scars in the air.

  She shivered, glad to feel Seth’s warmth as he leaned against the wall next to her.

  “I’ll be happy to see the suns again,” she whispered.

  “Oh.” He frowned. “I suppose I should apologise then.”

  “Why?” she asked, confused.

  In a movement as fast as lightning his hand was tight around her throat, and his eyes, blue a moment ago, were glowing a fiery red that pierced through the darkness.
 
  
“Because you’re never going to see the light of day again.”

~

Ta daa! Hope that's cliffhangery enough.
You should go read the others. They'll leave you wanting more!





47 comments:

L'Aussie said...

Ooh, tres chilling Rachel! I feel something strange lurking. Well done. Certainly a strong cliffhanger..:)

Mine is up. I might have confused people with my posting but it is there!!

Carole Anne Carr said...

Yes, it did leave me wanting more, Rachel!

Ellie said...

No!!! You can't leave it there. . .well as it's a cliffhanger you can and should. Loved it!

Jenny Beattie said...

Excellent! I want more too.

Madeleine said...

I liked your descriptions of her trailing her hand over the wall and the warmth of their bodies and the change in his eyes as he grabs hold of her. I do want to know what happens next.
Will be giving you a shout out for the lovely award out when my blogfest has had a few days to run. It's given me time to choose who to pass it on to and what my question answer would be. :O)

Cheree said...

Ooh, I loved the last line. It's definitely a cliff hanger because it's left me wanting more. Great job.

Justin W. Parente said...

Hi Rachel,

I think you're following me, so I must return the favor. Nice to see your home. Anyway, this bit had a great feel to it, but I have a few comments if you'd take them. I noticed in the opening sentence, it was really full of words. I would attempt to trim down the active sentences to the bare minimum. Short is best. Also, with describing the castle, don't be general with outer wall and inner wall. You can get into some exquisite detail about a castle in ruin, especially in a forest, by using castle terminology. For instance, the blocks across the ramparts are called ashar blocks. You could say "Ashar blocks dotted the soil and earth like a giant maw (or jaw)."

Thanks for sharing this.

J.W. Parente
In My Write Mind

Colene Murphy said...

Oh! So good! Want more!!

Jamie said...

Oh you meanie!! I so didn't see that coming, and what a place to leave off! Now post the rest so we all know she survives!!

Bree said...

Wow! I did not see that end coming! Lots of great visuals here and I want to turn a page that isn't there.

Good luck!

:)

Kristina Fugate said...

This is so awesome! "the uneven gallop of her heart." I love that.

Great job.

Mara Nash said...

Oh no, you didn't just do that. That was just plain mean. Now I'm going to be wondering all day long about what's going on! The more of these I read today, the more frustrated I become. By the end of the day I'm going to be flat out cranky!

Very nicely done!

Shallee said...

Very cliffhanging ending! And interesting setup. Thanks for sharing!

Nikki said...

Really nice twist. I was expecting something out of the castle to be the danger she sensed. Good job!

Marieke said...

Oh I absolutely loved those last few paras! Great twist!

Julie Hedlund said...

Wow - I certainly didn't see that coming. Great cliffhanger!

Stephanie said...

Great twist at the end!!!

Summer Ross said...

Oh no hes the good guy gone bad? why would he save her the first time then? I have so many questions and would flip the page in an instant if it was there...great scene for this fest!

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

I have to agree with Justin for the most part. You do have some very wonderful phrases, but you take the attention away from them with a little bit of clutter. Another quick example: “Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly.

How about - "Don't worry," he reassured.

Tighten everything up and it will be great.

LS Murphy said...

Awesome. Loved the twist at the end. Totally hooked me.

Francine said...

Hi,

You hooked me, led me into sense of cameraderie between MCs and then socked it to me with unexpected turn of event, and the big question WHY? So yes, would love to know the answer!

best
F

Mary Jo said...

OH! No fair! I alos loved the line "his hands trailed down her arm." You have a beautiful writing style.

JEFritz said...

Cliffhangy enough?! Just a BIT. I really enjoyed this because the tension builds, especially when the castle and the dark magic are mentioned. The only thing I was confused by is when she shivers, is it from fear or something else? But that's all. Great cliffhanger!

gideon 86 said...

Wow! That came out of left field. Totally unexpected! This is the tenth I've read. It has my vote so far. Great twist! You also had some beautiful imagery. The blanketing of the stars, for one.
Okay. Does she see the light of day?

Michael D.

Raquel Byrnes said...

That caught me by surprise, was chilling, AND was a cliffhanger! Wow!
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Rachel Morgan said...

Hello, super fabulous wonderful writers!! Thank you all so much for your comments. I've already made a few changes to my MS based on some of your helpful suggestions :-)

Dawn Embers said...

Nice work. My first read I sort of jumped past the description of the action to get to the last line cause it was almost inevitable but perfect for the moment. Also, is there more than one sun or is it meant as possessive, cause more that one sun would be cool. Great job creating a moment and leaving the reader hanging! Many seemed to go with the "will the character survive" cliffhanger, but it works.

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Ooooh, just flipped on her!!! Nicely done!

C Scott Morris said...

Nicely surprising AND cliffhangery!
First one of these I felt I should compliment, nice job.

Rachael Harrie said...

Bad guy, cool!!! Love the cliffhanger, great choice :)

Rach

Brenda Drake said...

Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*

E. Arroyo said...

Love the way you describe dark magic. Nice feel to it. Left me hanging for more.

Great job!

Jennie Bailey said...

Love this line: She could feel a lurking presence, as if the Dark Magic once used here had left scars in the air.

GREAT cliffhanger! and what a line to end that one on!

J.C. Martin said...

Very cliffhanger-y! Why did Seth lure her to the old castle before attacking? What is he going to do to her?

Mary Mary said...

Nicely done! I enjoyed how Seth snapped into a completely different person (being?). It would be interesting to see where it goes.

WritersBlockNZ said...

Ahh! Seth's evil? Oh no! :( great cliffhanger :)

Len said...

Oh my God! What is Seth going to do with Kera???? I'd like to know!!! :)

Grandpa said...

And I thought he was the good guy, protecting her...! The ending was abrupt,came too soon - caught me by surprise!

So when do we get to know what next...?

Adina West said...

Loved it Rachel. Definitely left me wanting more...

:-)

Jodi Henry said...

So loved this. The ending is awesome. Sorry I got to it late. Really thought I already comment. But I guess not.

Thanks for the read and I am so following. Looking forward to finding out if she sees the light of day.

J

gideon 86 said...

Congratulations on being chosen a semi-finalist! I really enjoyed your story!

Michael

Tessa Conte said...

Congrats on the semi-finalistage! I didn't get around to commenting the first time round (my internet connection fizzed out on me), so sorry this is a late late late comment.

I LOVE this! Completely didn't expect what happened and I can't believe you stopped there! Ok I can believe it it's a cliffhanger blogfest after all but OMG I want to know more!

Tessa, fellow semi-finalist

Shelley Watters said...

Gah! What happens next? Great job!

Jacky said...

I want to read more! Gripping read ;)

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Congrats on being a semi-finalist!

DominicSFF said...

A very worthy winner Rachel, well done!

Gubry said...

Congratulations on winning! You deserve it :D